After reading Edward's Freedom of the Will this morning, I see that everything has a cause. All things are chains of effects from the millions of causes. This means 1) my Will is not self-determining; 2) I am a chain of thousands upon thousands of causes/effects.
As for point 2, this means I am extremely complex. My sins are results of thousands of causes—choices, actions, events, etc.—that make me struggle. And how I am even feeling today is effects of causes like yesterday, how I slept, what I ate, and more.
The encouragement in this is that God sees this complexity. I am laid bare and naked before him. He sees and knows the complex chain of causes and effects that has made me who I am—the good and the bad, the choices I made and the things that happened to me.
My prayer then is that he orchestrates it all to cause more good causes that make me into a better man, husband, father, and pastor. I am not in control. I cannot orchestrate thousands of causes to work for my good. I cannot even choose good frequently when given the opportunity. But God can.
It is humbling because I do not see the complexity. In this way, I am blind to who I really am becoming. I have such a finite view and mind. But God, Jesus, is not limited like this. May he take my complexity and all causes and sovereignly use it for my sanctification.
In sum (to use a little alliteration), the Causer can cause all my complexity of causes to make me less corrupt and more commendable.
Scriptures: John 2:25; Psalm 19:12; Jeremiah 17:9-10; Psalm 39:1-6; Romans 8:28